Monday, September 26, 2005


There are some days that it doesn't make any sense. In fact there is nothing to complain but somehow you don't feel exactly ok. Somekind of restless rules your body and your mind is just a pain in the ass.

Today was such a day for no reason. After a terrible night rest (well, it wasn't a 'rest' at all), a stupid day with no progress, no stimulation and then useless headache as a bonus! You are not sick but your body feel exhausted. You lay down in the bed but actually you don't want to so you stand up but then your body drags you down again. Take a long shower, hoping that it will help. It's a release for a short time, you feel bit relaxed while the hot water flows form your head to toe, but you know that you can't stay forever onder the water. You leave the bathroom and everything is same again. Damn.. You wish that you were sick at least you'd have a proper reason to feel this way. In stead of that you hope that the day will pass and this will be over, wishing for night to come...

Even people around you are a cause of pain. Actually in such a time it's much better to not talk to anyone at all. It's the last thing in the world that you wanna hear the other people's comments or questions.

You feel so tired and exhausted, so tired even to commit suicide that you wish for an heart attack. You lay down in the bed, life seems so heavy and and wish to wake up dead. You ask "But, why is this feeling, what's the reason?". You know that there is something bothering you otherwise you wouldn't feel this way. There must be something, a reason. Something hidden in the depths of your mind, so that your body sending signals and you feel just worhtless, weak.

What could it be? Is it her?



Sir Nothinghill R. Forest (notes from a lost travellers logbook, Kuala Lumpur, 1953)

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