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Fantastic Diary Notes

TAG: humor

(Here some imaginary diary notes for your enjoyment. I was bored a lot late in the evening and these came out.)

“Dear diary. Yesterday I woke up, and then had a breakfast. I had a strawberry jam and some crackers. Then I went to school. After school come home and went to toilet. I had to pee. My mom was very angry at me because I didn’t flush the toilet. They sent me to bed very early. That’s why I am writing yesterday’s diary today. Tomorrow is my birthday. I think I’ll become 7. But I don’t know. At school we didn’t learn mathematics yet.”

“Dear diary, today I woke up really early. My mom was really angry at me. She said “Jason you become 7 and still urinating on your bed.”

“Dear diary, Today my mom was again angry at me. I think I shouldn’t urinate in the living room either.”

“Dear diary, I don’t know what to do. My son’s still urinating on his bed. We did everything we can. I think we should bring him to a doctor. He is making me crazy, I wish he was never born.”

“Dear diary, today my parents will take me to a doctor. But I don’t want to go. Oh, they are coming.. I’ll hide in the closet. Don’t say anything to them.”

“Dear diary, we went to doctor yesterday. He said I was fine. But I still don’t know how my parents found me in the closet.”

“Dear diary, months long we are sailing, still we can’t find any land. My men start to become restless. I am also starting to loose my hope. I think we won’t find India. I don’t know what to say to our queen when we go back. Actually, I am not quite sure if we can ever go back home.”

“Dear diary, we didn’t hear anything from Columbus in months. I think I did a mistake by trusting him.”

“Dear diary, today we reached the land. I am really happy, finally we reached our goal. But these native Indians are quite primitive. I think we should assimilate them or even better; make them slaves. Nobody we’ll know it, history is written by winners anyway. But I’ll keep chief's daughter separately, she is quite a piece ”

“Dear diary, today I smoked some stuff which my nephew brought from his trip in Africa. I get weird ideas. I have to write them down before I forgot.”

“Dear diary, today I’ll talk to the senate. But I am worried about Brutus a bit. He is quite different in last days, I don’t know what’s bothering him.”

“Dear diary, I am so sad today. My wife left me. She said she couldn’t live any longer with a grown up man who still urinates on his bed.”

“Dear diary, I couldn’t live with Jason anymore. I did my best but he is such a.. I don’t know, but it’s very difficult to love a man who still urinates on his bed”

“Dear diary, I am so desperate. Everyday I woke up and thinking to kill myself. I got fired from my job today, I think I lost everything, I don’t know what to do.”

“Dear diary.. I wrote all my thoughts, everything about me into you since my childhood, but you never helped me!.. Fuck you.”

“Dear diary, today is such an easy day at the church. I have only a funeral of a guy committed sucide, I think his name was Jason. Later I have to visit my neighbor to play chess.”

“dear diary, today I pushed our neighbor auntie Ruth from her bicycle. My father and mom was very angry at me. But auntie Ruth didn’t say anything to me. I think she is a nice lady. I shame myself.”

“dear diary, auntie Ruth gave me a bag of candy today and asked if my mom was at home. I really shame myself, she is really a nice lady.”

“dear diary, auntie Ruth is a bitch!!!. Today I caught her with my dad in my parents bed. They were both naked. I hate her.”

“Dear diary, I am tired to hear everybody’s complaints. I need a vacation!”

Noise made by . nothing .