Friday, October 28, 2005

Fantastic Diary Notes


(Here some imaginary diary notes for your enjoyment. I was bored a lot late in the evening and these came out.)

“Dear diary. Yesterday I woke up, and then had a breakfast. I had a strawberry jam and some crackers. Then I went to school. After school come home and went to toilet. I had to pee. My mom was very angry at me because I didn’t flush the toilet. They sent me to bed very early. That’s why I am writing yesterday’s diary today. Tomorrow is my birthday. I think I’ll become 7. But I don’t know. At school we didn’t learn mathematics yet.”
Jason, 12.04.1976

“Dear diary, today I woke up really early. My mom was really angry at me. She said “Jason you become 7 and still urinating on your bed.”
Jason, 6.05.1976

“Dear diary, Today my mom was again angry at me. I think I shouldn’t urinate in the living room either.”
Jason, 7.05.1976

“Dear diary, I don’t know what to do. My son’s still urinating on his bed. We did everything we can. I think we should bring him to a doctor. He is making me crazy, I wish he was never born.”
Jason’s mom, 19.08.1976

“Dear diary, today my parents will take me to a doctor. But I don’t want to go. Oh, they are coming.. I’ll hide in the closet. Don’t say anything to them.”
Jason, 21.08.1976

“Dear diary, we went to doctor yesterday. He said I was fine. But I still don’t know how my parents found me in the closet.”
Jason, 22.08.1976

“Dear diary, months long we are sailing, still we can’t find any land. My men start to become restless. I am also starting to loose my hope. I think we won’t find India. I don’t know what to say to our queen when we go back. Actually, I am not quite sure if we can ever go back home.”
Christopher Columbus, 06.09.1492

“Dear diary, we didn’t hear anything from Columbus in months. I think I did a mistake by trusting him.”
Isabella, 09.10.1492

“Dear diary, today we reached the land. I am really happy, finally we reached our goal. But these native Indians are quite primitive. I think we should assimilate them or even better; make them slaves. Nobody we’ll know it, history is written by winners anyway. But I’ll keep chief's daughter separately, she is quite a piece ”
Christopher Columbus, 10.10.1492

“Dear diary, today I smoked some stuff which my nephew brought from his trip in Africa. I get weird ideas. I have to write them down before I forgot.”
Nostradamus, 16.03.1523

“Dear diary, today I’ll talk to the senate. But I am worried about Brutus a bit. He is quite different in last days, I don’t know what’s bothering him.”
Julius Ceasar, march 15

“Dear diary, I am so sad today. My wife left me. She said she couldn’t live any longer with a grown up man who still urinates on his bed.”
Jason, 12.10.2001

“Dear diary, I couldn’t live with Jason anymore. I did my best but he is such a.. I don’t know, but it’s very difficult to love a man who still urinates on his bed”
Jason’s wife, 13.10.2001

“Dear diary, I am so desperate. Everyday I woke up and thinking to kill myself. I got fired from my job today, I think I lost everything, I don’t know what to do.”
Jason, 24.11.2001

“Dear diary.. I wrote all my thoughts, everything about me into you since my childhood, but you never helped me!.. Fuck you.”
Jason, 03.12.2001

“Dear diary, today is such an easy day at the church. I have only a funeral of a guy committed sucide, I think his name was Jason. Later I have to visit my neighbor to play chess.”
Priest Jonathan, 05.12.2001

“dear diary, today I pushed our neighbor auntie Ruth from her bicycle. My father and mom was very angry at me. But auntie Ruth didn’t say anything to me. I think she is a nice lady. I shame myself.”
Michael, 06.04.1998

“dear diary, auntie Ruth gave me a bag of candy today and asked if my mom was at home. I really shame myself, she is really a nice lady.”
Michael, 13.04.1998

“dear diary, auntie Ruth is a bitch!!!. Today I caught her with my dad in my parents bed. They were both naked. I hate her.”
Michael, 15.05.1998

“Dear diary, I am tired to hear everybody’s complaints. I need a vacation!”
Diary, 16.08.2004

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