Tuesday, November 08, 2005



02:30 in the morning. I took another sip from my whiskey while I tried to read the newspaper. Well, actually I was hoping to fall in sleep, I didn’t really want to read the damn paper. There was nothing interesting anyway, all same shitty news.

When I was looking with empty eyes through my glass to the walls, I saw an ant, walking on the newspaper. He first walked on the news headline “Young boy killed in the night club”. Then he walked to the corner of the page but didn’t come even close to the news about bankrupt company. The paper was full of these kind of news lately, probably the little ant didn’t think it was interesting either, like me. Then he disappeared around the table.

I followed him and thought “where the hell did he come from?”

I have a decent, clean house actually, for someone who lives alone at least. I saw barely some insects here, sometimes flies… and mosquito’s, but they don’t live longer if I see them… It was just a regular ant of course, probably lost.

Do you know anything about ants?… They are really interesting creatures actually. They live in a pretty well organized, hierarchic society. They have three groups in their society; female queens, males and workers. Males and queens can have wings but the workers not and they are the ones I am more interested. They do every fucking job in the their society, except “fucking” itself. How wonderful, there isn’t any difference than ours, huh?. Of course everybody likes to compare us with ants. Such a cliché. We have a pretty organized system, everyday waking up, going to work, coming home, eating, drinking, having sex, waking up, going to work, coming home, eating, drinking, having sex, waking up… Some system!

But anyway, where the fuck did this ant come from to my room?.. Did I forgot somewhere some food rests, dirty dishes or something from last night, or last days. I checked the room quickly, but didn’t see anything then I thought it was a silly thought to have. Ants are everywhere damn it, what did I expect to find?. I was really tipsy after half bottle of scotch and sat back again. I poured another glass and saw the little ant again, walking on the newspaper. I said “Cheers, little bastard. You lost your home and you will never find it back. How about that?” I rolled it up at once.

Did I tell you that the ants are interesting creatures? Some ant societies steal other ant’s nymph’s and larva’s. When these larva’s grow up, they become the ‘slave’ of the other ants and then work for them. These slave ants are afraid of death sentence and rarely rebel to these ants who kidnapped them… Very human, what do you think?..

The ant came onto my newspaper again, started to walk up and down. I poured another scotch and looked at him. Maybe this one was a rebel, he stood against his masters and runaway from the community. I said “cheers, Spartacus!”. And rolled it up again.

Rebel or worker, didn’t really matter. I knew he would be dead soon. Or not, maybe his home was somewhere near and he might be find his way back to his “ant” society and work again. I looked at him, he was walking on the newspaper, coming to me. I said “If you are a rebel, you come to the wrong person buddy. I am already a slave, like your other brothers. If you are a slave, well, then welcome. Hah hah hah. I have to wake up early in the morning and go to my work, my friend”. Then I realized that I was talking to an ant, am I getting crazy or drunk?

Jobs are pain in the ass, you know. After 2 weeks of trying to get a job, finally I found one today. So far I didn’t stay in a job more than 3 months. Shortest one was for 2 hours. I don’t remember what kind of job it was, I was too damn drunk when I got there. Probably it was the reason that I’ve lost it immediately as well. Well, who cares. I didn’t want to have a carrier anyway, I was quite happy jumping from one work to another. I felt more freedom than any other ‘modern time working slaves’ actually. Only money was a problem but it gave me also more time to concentrate on writing and playing. I should get paid for that actually, but never had a chance. Once a poem I wrote was published by a small publisher, but I didn’t get much money for that. That money was also gone directly for a bottle of Scotch.

But I have to go to this job tomorrow. I am already late with my rent of this month. I had this job actually, as a dishwasher in a small restaurant. I went there right after I’d seen the ad in a local newspaper. It was a small, cheap, ordinary restaurant close to the harbor. Most of the customers were also the workers from harbor, coming for lunch. When I came in, there were two middle aged customers, sitting in one corner, drinking their soup. If you look at their faces you could see that the soup was not really tasty. Or they didn’t like their company that much, because they didn’t say any fucking word to each other.

I saw one waitress, Stephanie. Nice piece, bit fat hips but she had a pretty nice face. On her early 30’s. I went right away to her, she looked at me and asked “Can I help you?”. I looked at her body and said “Well, anytime. But I am here for the job as a dishwasher.” “Then you have to speak with Mr. Croll. Come with me.” she said. I followed her to Mr. Croll’s office. He was a short, fat man, with greasy hair. Well, he was on his 50’s but he didn’t have much hair left anyway. After a short speak I got the job right away. You don’t need much qualifications to be a dishwasher. Probably I was the only person who reacted to the ad anyway. Who else wanted to wash dirty dishes in a shitty restaurant at the God forgotten corner of the town.

The reason I lost that job was not because I was a bad dishwasher, but the waitress Stephanie. After 2 weeks of washing the dirty shit, we wanted to use the kitchen for something else but apparently Mr. Croll didn’t approve the “close” relations at the work place. Well, neither of us wanted any relation actually, but timing was not right for other kind of fun I guess. Though she was really ready for that.

Of course after Mr. Croll caught us, I was called immediately for a talk. He had looked at Stephanie in a way that I understood he wanted to be in my place with her for a long time. But she didn’t give any chance apparently. She was working there longer then me, and she had bigger breasts then me, so I was the one who should leave. Maybe Mr. Croll thought that I was eliminating his chances with her, who knows.

Well, I got my 2 weeks paid. I got immediately one bottle of Scotch and ended up drinking on the beach across the harbor against the sunlight. It was a very beautiful afternoon, I can tell you that. It was better than washing the damn dishes in a filthy, hot kitchen anyway. But now, I was out of money and had to do something before my house owner knocks my door. I can tell you that, he never liked me that much. In fact, I don’t really know if many people like me. A drunk, bitter, antisocial, musician wanna be writer is not everyone’s best friend I guess.

I saw the little ant, still walking but he somehow managed to come on my belly. I didn’t think how or when he did that, I took another sip from my Scotch.

I should be sleeping by now, because tomorrow I have to work in a warehouse. I found this company, a garbage bags distributor. I have to pack the garbage bags and some other shit and load the trucks, so they can be distributed through all country. Then people can throw their useless shit. I think I’ll be at an important position of the social system huh, what do you think?. You know, garbage bags are a quiet important thing in our society. Can you imagine, how can we throw all these shit we don’t need if we didn’t have any garbage bag?... Things that we buy, we use and then we throw. It’s an endless cycle you know; “produce, consume and throw”. So you can make a place for the new things that you don’t need and you will throw later on. In fact, if you ask me, maybe garbage is the only product to describe our modern society:
“What can you say about our society sir?”
“It’s a garbage!”

I saw little ant walking onto my left arm. I was holding the glass, there is one sip left but I didn’t want to move my arm because of the ant. I could shake my arm and throw the little ant but I decided to watch him. Normally I wouldn’t even care for him. He was on my hand now, walking to the glass.

“Well, don’t even think about it you little bastard, I need it more than you do.”

He didn’t hear me of course, or he didn’t want to hear me. If I was an ant and there was a glass of Scotch in front of me, I would also walk right into it. I can’t blame him, you know. Now he was on my glass, walking on the corner.

“It’s your dead you know!” He walked bit further.

“Poor soul” I said “What do you know about life? All your life long you worked to provide food for your society, to help the system to survive. And now you lost your way, wandering on a scotch glass in a damn house in a God forgotten town. What is your next destination, huh?”

I didn’t know if I was talking to him or describing my own life. He tried to walk on the sharp edge of the glass but suddenly he lost his balance and fell into the glass.

“You poor bastard, now you ruined my last sip!”

He tried to come out, made sudden moves, looked like he was trying to swim. After a while he stopped, there was no move anymore, probably he was dead. Drunk and dead.

“Lucky bastard” I said, “I wish I was in your place now”.

Then I threw myself on the bed and dreamt about swimming in an endless sea of whiskey, drowning deeper, deeper and deeper.

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3 Noises:

At Wednesday, November 09, 2005 9:56:00 PM, Anonymous :) said...

it`s quite bukowskiesque ... ;)

At Wednesday, November 09, 2005 10:00:00 PM, Blogger . nothing . said...

I know. Believe it or not I was drunk when I wrote this story 3 years ago.. :-)

At Tuesday, November 15, 2005 3:42:00 PM, Blogger Sphinx said...

I liked the story! Alot of issues were brought up (the media, ants,how we go through so much garbage in society, and literally sex IN the workplace...hehe) and I found it very interesting.

"So far I didn’t stay in a job more than 3 months. Shortest one was for 2 hours. I don’t remember what kind of job it was, I was too damn drunk when I got there." ....HAHAHA That's funny!

PS...I'm glad the ant in your story died a drunk and relatively painless death.

PPS...you write very well even when drunk, yourself!


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